Single Woman About Town. Beware :

Sometime, I feel like I have a tattoo stamped on my forehead heralding my single status and begging for pity from passer-by especially from female ones. It is a touth sale convincing people that being single doesn't necessarily mean I'll end up living alone with dezens of cats.

As soon as people hear the words single and late twenties used in the same sentence, they instinctively offer consolation and half-hearted optimism about a future possible romantic connection. No matter, how much I may protest and assure them that I relish being single, the bottom line, according to the society at large, is that single-ites should be pitied. 

But truth be known, being single at this particular age and period works wonders. 

Personally, I don't think I'm missing out by not being romantically involved. I have a great career, fantastic friends and a strong support system, and if I may add a wonderful future ahead of me. Sure, a lot of my single friends are swiftly getting hitched and starting families, but their life choices do not reflect nor affect mine. 

However, as much as I may shout those words at the top of my lungs, the people around me assume that I must be putting on a brave front. Underneath it all, they assume, I must be an insecure woman hell-bent on getting hitched.

The pressure to conform to the standard hetero normative marriage model is overwhelming, to say the least. There is an unspoken stigma associated in seeing a young single woman enjoying her life. I have had countless relatives, well-wishers, and even acquaintances lament at my single status. The message is quite clear-I am supposed to feel inadequate because I am single. Offtentimes the message is conveyed through countless blind dates, unsolicited advice to change this or alter that to make myself that more appealing to the opposite sex, or blatant arguments that my romantic expectations are fantastical. Suffice to say, their interpretation of my perpetual single-ness stems from my refusal to conform to the conventional wishdom of matrimony at a young age. 

The subtle but potent discrimination from elder females is palpable. But now, even my peers seem to have in herited the bias. Many times, my single friends and I have detected the flicker of pity splashed across the faces of young married women when they inquire about our status. If that isn't bad enough, we, single women, must also be kept at a safe distance from the married men, lest we pry them away from their partners. 

It's astounding to grasp the numerous assumptions that are towed upon us solely on our single status. We are at once sized up, singled out, and ostracized for daring to be single in this society. The thought of us choosing to be single is unacceptable. The perennial belief is that we are constantly on the prowl for the next best male partner.

Yep, the pressure to throw away my single-ness is a constant uphill battle. There are bad days when I want to cave in and marry the next Tom. Dick or Harry who happens to fancy me: and then there are the good days when I discover that I am sheltered from the complications and distractions that a romantic entanglement might bring. I've learned a while ago that adhering to societal rules won't guarantee happiness. So, I take immense pride in knowing that I am because that is what I choose right now.

Tisa Mubaddes

is a member of 

Writer's Block

and is currently

working on a novel.

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Swedish Family Life, and The problem of Aging in Georgia

Families :

Would you like a  unisex marriage- with husband and wife sharing housework and breadwinning ? I can only report that Swedish wives flourish on it.

They are outward-looking, and a conversation with them is likely to be about their work, hobbies or families. It is scarcely every about what so and so said to offend them, or what women's place in society ought to be.

They are enthusiastic in all kinds of ways. During the three years I lived in Sweden while my husband was working there, I repeatedly heard how much Swedish wives appreciated and enjoyed their families and homes because they were away from them for some of the time in their own careers.

The average Swede, though tall and handsome, doesn't spend much time paying a woman compliments. Perhaps this is because he is quite prepared to threat her as an equal.

When a young couple marry they don't take it for granted that the husband is the breadwinner, and the wife the housekeeper.

They have a flexible approach, sharing out the work and chore in a way which suits them. No one criticizes them if they reverse their traditional roles.

As Katerina, a Swedish wife, explained to me : "Stefan and I have known each other since childhood. We went to same kind of school, and we both trained as dentists, so why should only one of us have a career ?"

A doctor who works in a Child Care Department thought that women had a right to work and to support themselves.

"I can understand a woman who prefers housework to factory work, but I just cannot understand an educated woman who doesn't work."

"When we married I was studying," a woman psychiatrist told me "And, of course, when I qualified, I started to practise," she could not imagine training and then not using her vital skills.

Nor is it only professional women who expect to work. The girl who came to clean my house told me that her husband was a postman.

He's up early, and then he comes home early in the afternoon and looks after the baby while I go out to work."

Increasingly, the Swedish husband accepts that house-hold chores are partly his responsibility.

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Marriage in Tarong

Where will he find a wife? what kind of wife? where will her husband come from? What kind of person will he be? What happens if he or she never gets married? these are important questions for most human groups, including the people of Tarong. Because of their importance these questions and their answers control behavior.

Here, William Nydegger describes how a Tarong boy obtains a wife.

When a Tarong boy decides he wants to marry, he calls on his father, another man known to be a good speaker, and several relatives. These people (but not the boy) go to visit the parents of the chosen girl.

The visitors make a formal marriage request. But the girl's parents give only vague answers. The visitors may hint about the property the boy's father will give to the couple. If the girl's parents are interested, they will set a date for another meeting. At that time the girl's answer will be given.

The girl may appear during these meeting and reject the boy. She can say "I am too young." or give some similar excuse. If she does not, it is proof that she is thinking about saying "Yes."

At the second meeting her answer is given. If the answer is "yes," another meeting date is set. They may also immediately start discussing the property and gifts the boy's father will give to the new family. More meetings may be held to settle the marriage contract. A final, short meeting is held to plan the marriage feast.

The bride and groom go through elaborate rituals on their wedding day, beginning with the wedding ceremony in the church in the nearest town. Feasting and dancing last much of the day. Finally everyone meets for the reading of the marriage contract and the transfer of property to the new couple.

The ceremonies end with the two families competing in donating money to the new couple. A large amount of money is usually collected in this way.

1. All Tarong boys and girls know about the procedures leading to a marriage. How might this act as a social control on both boys and girls as they are growing up ?
2. Do you think this type of social control would be more effective for children of wealthy or poor families ? Why /
3. Occasionally Tarong couple will elope and get married without the approval of their parents. Sometimes the parents never accept the marriage. What pennalties might be imposed on the couple ? How would the treat of penalty act as a social control ?

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