As soon as people hear the words single and late twenties used in the same sentence, they instinctively offer consolation and half-hearted optimism about a future possible romantic connection. No matter, how much I may protest and assure them that I relish being single, the bottom line, according to the society at large, is that single-ites should be pitied.
But truth be known, being single at this particular age and period works wonders.
Personally, I don't think I'm missing out by not being romantically involved. I have a great career, fantastic friends and a strong support system, and if I may add a wonderful future ahead of me. Sure, a lot of my single friends are swiftly getting hitched and starting families, but their life choices do not reflect nor affect mine.
However, as much as I may shout those words at the top of my lungs, the people around me assume that I must be putting on a brave front. Underneath it all, they assume, I must be an insecure woman hell-bent on getting hitched.
The pressure to conform to the standard hetero normative marriage model is overwhelming, to say the least. There is an unspoken stigma associated in seeing a young single woman enjoying her life. I have had countless relatives, well-wishers, and even acquaintances lament at my single status. The message is quite clear-I am supposed to feel inadequate because I am single. Offtentimes the message is conveyed through countless blind dates, unsolicited advice to change this or alter that to make myself that more appealing to the opposite sex, or blatant arguments that my romantic expectations are fantastical. Suffice to say, their interpretation of my perpetual single-ness stems from my refusal to conform to the conventional wishdom of matrimony at a young age.
The subtle but potent discrimination from elder females is palpable. But now, even my peers seem to have in herited the bias. Many times, my single friends and I have detected the flicker of pity splashed across the faces of young married women when they inquire about our status. If that isn't bad enough, we, single women, must also be kept at a safe distance from the married men, lest we pry them away from their partners.
It's astounding to grasp the numerous assumptions that are towed upon us solely on our single status. We are at once sized up, singled out, and ostracized for daring to be single in this society. The thought of us choosing to be single is unacceptable. The perennial belief is that we are constantly on the prowl for the next best male partner.
Yep, the pressure to throw away my single-ness is a constant uphill battle. There are bad days when I want to cave in and marry the next Tom. Dick or Harry who happens to fancy me: and then there are the good days when I discover that I am sheltered from the complications and distractions that a romantic entanglement might bring. I've learned a while ago that adhering to societal rules won't guarantee happiness. So, I take immense pride in knowing that I am because that is what I choose right now.
Tisa Mubaddes
is a member of
Writer's Block
and is currently
working on a novel.
