Marriage in Tarong

Where will he find a wife? what kind of wife? where will her husband come from? What kind of person will he be? What happens if he or she never gets married? these are important questions for most human groups, including the people of Tarong. Because of their importance these questions and their answers control behavior.

Here, William Nydegger describes how a Tarong boy obtains a wife.

When a Tarong boy decides he wants to marry, he calls on his father, another man known to be a good speaker, and several relatives. These people (but not the boy) go to visit the parents of the chosen girl.

The visitors make a formal marriage request. But the girl's parents give only vague answers. The visitors may hint about the property the boy's father will give to the couple. If the girl's parents are interested, they will set a date for another meeting. At that time the girl's answer will be given.

The girl may appear during these meeting and reject the boy. She can say "I am too young." or give some similar excuse. If she does not, it is proof that she is thinking about saying "Yes."

At the second meeting her answer is given. If the answer is "yes," another meeting date is set. They may also immediately start discussing the property and gifts the boy's father will give to the new family. More meetings may be held to settle the marriage contract. A final, short meeting is held to plan the marriage feast.

The bride and groom go through elaborate rituals on their wedding day, beginning with the wedding ceremony in the church in the nearest town. Feasting and dancing last much of the day. Finally everyone meets for the reading of the marriage contract and the transfer of property to the new couple.

The ceremonies end with the two families competing in donating money to the new couple. A large amount of money is usually collected in this way.

1. All Tarong boys and girls know about the procedures leading to a marriage. How might this act as a social control on both boys and girls as they are growing up ?
2. Do you think this type of social control would be more effective for children of wealthy or poor families ? Why /
3. Occasionally Tarong couple will elope and get married without the approval of their parents. Sometimes the parents never accept the marriage. What pennalties might be imposed on the couple ? How would the treat of penalty act as a social control ?

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The Tribal people of Afghanistan

Society in rural Afghanistan (and most of Afghanistan is rural) is organized in family and tribal units. The afghan family resembles very closely other tribal societies of both the Near East and Central Asia. It includes the head of the family, his married sons. All of them share the common responsibility of the entire family. As a result beggars are rare in Afghanistan, for the aged, the sick, the handicapped, and the unemployed are cared for by the family as a matter of course.

The Eldest male, as head of the family, has complete authority over his entire household. The position of family patriarch generally passes to the eldest son. Sons stay in their father's household, while married daughters go to their husband's family. Often there is preference for marriages within the extended family or among near relatives.

In this type of family most property is owned jointly, and the entire family's earnings are pooled and distributed by the patriarch. When the head of the family dies, the property is divided among the sons to keep the family from becoming too large. (Moslem law requires that one share go to each son, one-half share to each daughter, and one-eighth of the total property to the widow.) The eldest son remains in the patriarchal dwelling.

Among settled peoples the family generally lives in a group of flat-roofed, mud-brick dwellings within a high mud-walled compound. These compounds often resemble a small rectangular fort (which, were in less settled time). Each married couple has a room or a small house. In a central courtyard a well or pool provides water for drinking, cooking, bathing and washing. Meals are prepared by the women at a cooking oven and eaten together by the whole family around a huge metal tray set on the floor. A crude latrine will be the only sanitary facility, if it exists at all. These country compounds are surrounded by their fields of grain, with a low walled enclosure for livestock and perhaps and irregular orchard of nut or fruit trees near the walls.

The nomads follow a similar family living arrangement. In the summer months when pasture grass grows high on the mountains, they pitch an encampment of handwoven black goats, hair tents thrown over rectangular frames of rough poles. The furnishings are extremely simple. Rugs or felt mats woven by the women provide floor coverings, and there will the be a pile of blankets, a nest of copper utensils and earthenware jars for cooking, goatskin bags for liquids, occasionally a wooden chest for clothing. The parents and unmarried children live in one tent. If a man has more than one wives, each has her tent. The women of the family weave a tent for each son when he marries. In the winter they move to the lower valleys to escape the snows, and number of related families set up their tents together in a larger camp.

The men of the nomadic tribes hunt and care for the flocks. The women father fuel, carry water, and do the cooking sewing and weaving. The family's flocks of sheep, goats, or camels provide them with their meat, butter, milk, and cheese, the wool for their clothing, tents and blankets, and even dung for fuel. In addition, both the animals and their wool or skins are sold in towns to pay for such simple necessities as sugar, tea and thread.

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